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Subject:roomate!
Time:01:17 pm
hi, i am looking for someone to sublet my room asap, i live in a 3 br
apt and have decided to move in with myself, it is a 2nd floor walk up
in jackson ward on clay street across from the rugby field. rent is
292 a month that includes water, and trash. there is central heat/air,
a washer dryer, a dishwasher, and hardwood floors, currently in
habiting it is myself and two other college art majors, i am trying to
find someone to move in soon so i can sign a lease on a new place, i
would prefer to have someone take over my part of the lease which
would mean the LANDLORDS NEED A $438 SECURITY DEPOSIT.i would be
willing to sublet for the right person. there are two cats but they
are moving
out in january/december with one of our roomates. please call me back
and let me know if this sounds like something you would be interested
in. my number is 484-542-0604
thanks
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Subject:yep so i did that year in review shit.
Time:12:42 pm
december was by far the worst/most eventful month of the year. i couldn't narrow it down to just one line. here goes.

year in review.
JANUARY:mikenotfat: well, you could be like jen and just randomly give me the detials of your period

FEBRUARY: I am supertalia.

MARCH:yesterday night i decided to give myself a haircut

APRIL: YALE

MAY:
everything sucks

JUNE: sometimes in a relationship going through hell isn’t so bad as long as you come out of it stronger.

JULY:"He sent a note saying `I have solved the black hole information paradox and I want to talk about it,'"

AUGUST: stop trying.

SEPTEMBER: thats not how good girls do it.

OCTOBER: i want to watch fraggle rock with you and make out.

NOVEMBER:note to future self: people are frustrating to be around. you should put some serious time and effort into being the kind of person who lives alone with 40 cats.

DECEMBER: it’s you that i want. i want this badly. i cry about it at night and think of how things could be. this is not good. i am torturing myself on purpose when in truth i could have sorted things out long ago.

Eczema outbreaks can usually be avoided or the severity lessened by following these simple tips.
• Moisturize frequently
• Avoid sudden changes in temperature or humidity
• Avoid sweating or overheating
• Reduce stress
• Avoid scratchy materials, such as wool
• Avoid harsh soaps, detergents, and solvents

i want you to ask me to stay.
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Time:02:32 pm
it’s you that i want. i want this badly. i cry about it at night and think of how things could be.
this is not good.
i am torturing myself on purpose when in truth i could have sorted things out long ago.
i don’t know if you are waiting for me to say something too i feel like maybe you are but i am a bad judge of character.
this is not good.
I go over our conversations in my mind and thing of ways that i would have told you, or ways that i could have said things better to make you like me enough to tell me you do. but instead it is 12:24 am and i am in my bed crying typing this.
my eyelids are burning from the salt and my nose is so stuffed up that i can’t breath from all the crying. I promised myself i wouldn’t freak out about this. at least not publicly. but i can’t help it. I am putting myself through hell here. it’s entirely my fault.
the only reason that i ever conceded to those few times in the first place was because initially i was surprised that you would ever want anything to do with me. But unsurprisingly, this only led to more self-torment for me. is that all you want from me, or is this going to lead to something eventually?
Because that’s what I want. I want this go be going somewhere.
it’s all my fault.
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Subject:friday
Time:10:48 am
mmm last night i got completely drunk. i dont know what time i got home, but i got on my computer and started to type out stuff to people. i dont remember what i was trying to say last night but when i woke up thismorning i saw the windows open and apparently i was typing completely unintelligible gibberish. ha.
also when i woke up this morning, i decided for kicks to see if i was drunk dialing anyone last night, and apparently there are like 4 calls i made before going to bed that i dont remember making. and a bunch of calls i attempted to make that were just alot of random numbers, and probably not anyone's real phone number. but that's an interesting thought too. i wonder if i got through to anyone on the other line? i have no recollection as to whether i did or not, but it's amusing to speculate.
quite tight night was fun indeed. daniel's show was a ton of fun. i love his paintings. i bought one of his paintings as a chanukah present for my mom and dad. it can go over the couch. i hope they like it. they have horrible taste in art anyhow, so anything will be an improvement over what they've got there now.
the richmond marathon is running by my house, and it's really amazing, i mean, it's not actually that interesting to watch or anything, but guys in shorts and a tank top, in november, with like 0% body fat and that amazing skinny yet muscular physique that distance runner boys seem to have down pat. rawr. and that they're running 26 miles really blows my mind.
i think i am still slightly drunk.
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Time:09:39 pm
buy my ibook people!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5136291222
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Time:09:06 pm
wow so tomorrow i have to walk over to carver and VOTE. i'm nervous.
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Time:09:52 am
my parents are here this weekend for my wearable art show! oh happyjoy. and they brought the dog, my dog is at my apartment for the weekend. sleeping my my bed presently. i'm smiling about it.
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Time:07:54 pm
i'm getting a tattoo of an acorn. i like acorns.
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Current Music:dont have to be sad. Yo La Tengo
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Time:10:13 pm
today i went and applied to have my academic probation waived. quite honestly it's not fair. too bad i go to a fucking huge university where the academic status committee has yet to meet me face to face and reaffirm that i am not a mongoloid idiot and i just had a bad semester.
after that I went back to the sculpture department, and asked about changing my major, BACK to sculpture. i am going to keep a minor in art history, and a minor in french if i can manage two minors. just to hedge my bets. and hope and pray that f.i.t. accepts me for grad school.
it's amazing, how when in retrospect, every aspect of my life has followed some sort of cycle of becoming rediculously depressed. making some hugely rash decision, and then coming out of it and realizing i have made an awful awful mistake and that now i have to go back and fix it.
i want to start living my life without the rash decisions.
now that i've figured out what's wrong i can fix it.
people have been too nice to me. total strangers from the art department have come up to me and asked why i changed out of studio art and into art history. They tell me i am too creative not to be an artist. honestly, I dont FEEL CREATIVE. whatever above par creativity i do posess i have assimilated. i dont think of myself as creative. this is natural. I am surprised that more people dont think more artistically. they write it off and leave it to the art majors. I dont come up with ideas about projects as much as I get am image in my head and then i work until what i have put together looks just like what is in my head.
sometimes the images stop appearing and that scares me.
i have nothing to guage my creativity against. because i have grown up with this my whole life.
blah blah blah. i suck.
french class is going rediculously well and i ADORE my professor to bits. i would be extremely pleased to earn an a in that class.
sometimes in addition to these somewhat 'visions' of still uncreated art projects, i get flashes of what my life might be like when i am older. no i dont think i'm psychic or whatever. but i wonder. it makes me think about what else goes on in my head.
when i get an idea in my head about a project, is it like a premonition of a piece, or is it a cue. telling me to make this?
i'm trying to wrap my head around that one.
i have no idea. if i could know what this is about, then i would feel alot better.
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Time:12:09 am
all i do is listen to wolco and cry. that is not good. i made a mistake?
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c'est la.
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